Of course it is not virtual love just because it is happening in the virtual world. I needed it for a nice title. I wrote about emotions crossing from the grid to the meatspace. It seems my case is a rather simple one. Having a smile while being on the street of meatspace because of the previous night spent in second life is something that happens to many of us. Luckily, we stay there. Regina Lynn is telling us about the guy who went much further.

The whole story is a great read so go there to read three pages of drama and then join us for an after-story chit-chat. For the lazy among us, I'll try my best…

Thomas Montgomery, 45, father of two teenage daughters, ex-marine, joined Pogo.com in the spring of 2005. There he was a 18-year-old marine named Tommy, stationed in Iraq. There, in Pogo, he met 17-year-old Jessica. Things started going and very soon he was telling Tommy's life story, about how his mother died when he was 12, how he raped a cheerleader and then joined the forces in Iraq. Sure, they exchanged a pile of photographs. He also made another identity, of his own father which resembled his RL self, who acted as a middle-man for messages when Tommy was held for his military duties, and packages Jessica sent to Tommy.

army

And the packages were fun. When Tommy got jealous, accusing her of sending her photos to other guys on the internet, she sent him her G-strings and dog tags engraved with the message TOM & JESSI ALWAYS & FOREVER. They even spoke on the phone. After eight months of cyber relationship and deceiving, he proposed a marriage. 

Somewhere around New Year, Montgomery decided he want to quit his life and move to West Virginia to Jessica. I really don't know how he would manage to become 27 years younger. Nor did he. Two months later, his wife became suspicious of his time-consuming internet activities. Then she found the teenager's lingerie. She found out about Jessica and also about her husband's triple identity. She sent a letter to Jessica and included the photo of her family.

"Let me introduce you to these people," she said, describing her husband, Tom, her daughters, 12 and 14 years old, and herself — the "c," as she put it, in Montgomery's many emails to Jessi from their account named "tcmontgomery1." There was no son, she told Jessi, only her husband, a 46-year-old former marine. "From what I am pulling from your letters, you are much closer to [my daughter's] age than mine, let alone Tom's," Cindy wrote. "Are you over the age of 18? In this alone, he can be prosecuted as a child predator." Adding that Jessi could be her own daughter, Cindy offered some maternal advice: "Do not trust words on a computer."

Jessica now didn't know who to believe. She made contact with Brian Barrett, a 22-year-old student who worked part-time and played poker with Montgomery. He confirmed Tom's trickery and they continued IM'ing. You are guessing… they got intimate. 

And now things get really complicated. Jessica and Brian called Montgomery a child predator in public forums, he was banned from the game room. But she didn't leave him completely.

"If he existed I would still be holding him every night and sharing dreams with him every night," she wrote to Montgomery. "I ache to be with Tommy."

Sure, Tom's relationship with Brian is not a friendly one anymore. For whatever reason he stays in a friendly relationship with her who promised that she wouldn't contact Brian anymore. In summer 2006, he discovered she was lying. In the evening of September 15th, Brian was found dead in his car on the parking lot of the company Tom and he were working for. He'd been shot in the neck and upper arm by what police believe was a .30-caliber carbine rifle.

crime scene

Detectives found Jessica's number in Brian's phone and contacted her. Next morning, a detective came to her house and met her mother, Mary. Jessica wasn't there. Every good drama has a double twist: 

[A detective]continued questioning Mary, whose manner struck him as strange. The more he pressed, the more nervous she got until she finally "came clean," as he put it… She was the woman Barrett had fallen so hard for. And yes, Mary was the woman Montgomery may have killed for. She'd used her daughter's identity to beguile the two men. 

Mary is, according to her neighbours, a devoted mother and a good member of the community. She joined Pong.com to relax and "kill some time". Her intention was not to get into any internet relationships, nor did she fall in love with either of the guys.

Brian was a "sweetheart" and when he initiated the flirtation, she didn't know how to discourage it without revealing her true identity. Tommy, she said, "was a child who needed someone to show him they cared." 

Montgomery is awaiting his trial. He pleaded not guilty, insisting that he didn't killed Barrett.

"When I'm talking to Cindy or you like this, face-to-face," he said, "it's hard for me to say what I feel." As Tommy, however, the words came easily. And then there was Jessi. He loved her, or at least believed he loved her, though he knew he was "never going to meet her." His plan was to "kill Tommy off" in Iraq, but Cindy intervened too soon. He nearly committed suicide because of his guilt about having lied to Jessi.

This is rather extreme story but it sheds some new lights on mixing of the two lives, relationships and trust we are talking about these days. How do you feel now?

If you like this story, share it with the rest of the world. Thanks.
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8 Responses to “Virtual Love Turns Into A Real Killer”

  1. Confused

  2. that is really one risk of the internet. internet love can be something awsome but it’s also so incredebly dangerous. the worst thing in all this is that no one was ever honest at all in the whole thing.

  3. confused, Eid?

  4. I think that every problem always comes up when you decide to “cross the border”, i.e. when at a certain point you decide to “mix” or to bring your virtual life into the real one. That’s fine if you’ve always been honest. But a single lie will destroy everything and the upcomes are not forseeable. I had my bad experience long ago when I could never imagine if not in my dreams of a place like SL (guess… I’ve been lucky). That’s why I don’t mix. I put some heavy barrier that “forces” me to keep things separated. Yet sometimes I wonder… “oh well, if we feel so good together maybe we should meet…” No way. I just logoff and go to sleep. Next morning, I’ll be fine again. Eidur will stay, live & love in SL.

  5. I’m with Eidur -

    The problem here (aside from being crazy and homicidal, but we can take that as given, right?) is the boundary-crossing. The rule is, within SL, you get to be anything you want – in SL.

    You don’t get to rewrite your atomic world backstory in SL, and you don’t get to export your digital self back into RL.

    These people never understood those rules, and it brought grief.

    If SL lovesrs – or anyone whose relationship has been exclusively digital, and remember, telephone technology is a “digital virtual world” – decides to meet in SL, IMO it’s going to go bad unless everybody involved *really believes* that the people who will be meeting have never met before, and don’t know each other.

    If they do, if they see themselves as two people who have good mutual friends in common or some such, then they can get to know each other as atomic people, following atomic-world conventions.

    Blurring the worlds, trying to switch back and forth between personalities, or trying to export from one world to the other? There’s nothing but pain there…

  6. Tiana, the one who was honest got killed.
    I agree with Eid and Soph…. some things should never cross between worlds.
    But in this case, it is one really big step. I really don’t get it. The guy was about to leave his family (ok) to marry the girl who he knew only via internet (crazy but, ok) and who thinks he is somebody he is not (!!!). Now, what in his crazy head was he thinking about, showing on the porch of 17-y-o girl telling: OK, I am not the Tommy 18-y-o sniper in Iraq, I am 40-something with a wife and two kids of your age, but I do love you no mater we never actually met before. (???)

  7. Ouch. That’s a crazy story. Some people
    are mentally unbalanced. It’s inevitable that
    the unbalanced sometimes find each other
    online, and spin out of control.

  8. [...] example, sometimes I want to add a long, reflexive comment to a post, like this one from dandelion, but if I decide to wait because I am busy, I never do at the end. In the other side, it is easy [...]

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