But before that, it can be anything. It can turn out to be anything at all. Millions of possibilities that glow right in front of your eyes. Why am I telling you this?

Because that cloud truthfully represents what the human being on the other side of the monitor might be. Just as the cloud can rezz into avatar of any shape, behind that avatar can be any of all sorts of humans. And you very rarely, if ever, know who that human in fact is. 

But let's forget the facts for a bit. Have you ever played that game of placing different possible humans behind the avatars you know? Imagining them? Not guessing who is behind really, that's a fruitless job, but imagining people that are not likely to be there? Yes, all the people I met in second life were at least once imagined as truck driver in mom's basement, student procrastinating their studying for the exam, celebrity enjoying their anonymity, wife cyber-cheating her neglected husband and a whole range of less stereotypical roles. OK, now I have confessed my dirty little secret. 

That game have another effect beside fun. Once you get carried away, you realize that virtually anyone (no pun intended) can be behind the avatar. It throws a completely different light on the scene. It's something like scramble suit from Dick's Scanner Darkly put over the whole world.

It's a question old as our civilization, question of the essence versus the appearance. Since ancient Greeks we tend to think there is something behind what we see and perceive, something that we like to think is truth contrary to what our senses might lie to us. So we try to take off layer by layer of what we see, aiming to some inner truth. Like an onion. We peel layer by layer. And, while peeling the onion, we cry and the onion gets smaller and smaller. At the end, there is nothing, just a pile of leaves. There is no "real" onion inside, no truth, no essence. Onion is made of its leaves.

So you have reached the glowing cloud from the beginning of our story. Pure glowing existence of some avatar near you. And nothing but the existance. Only thing you know is that somebody IS there. Who? You'll have to wait for the avatar to rezz to know that. Yes, to show you all the layers you've tried to peel off. That cloud has a story to show you. That's your truth. What you see is what you get.

Best Moment of my second life was my assignment for 1st annual Mix'n Match. "Dammit!" – I said, from all the nice topics like Toilets in SL, Digital Suicide or SL as a Tool for Self-improvement, even The power of llHttpRequest or that experiment of staying 5 days off-line…. I had to get something like writing the best moment. I cursed Vint's paw that was drawing the assignments from the hat and Crap Mariner that suggested the topic and started rewinding my personal history, searching for what should be the best moment of it.

And so I've spent next weeks rewinding and thinking. With no answer. As I was approaching the "start panicking" moment,  dark thoughts started to pop out. Like, is this life worth living when one can't instantly remember something that should qualify as the best moment, is there such a thing as the best moment, should I trick the problem by meta-thinking the possibility of best moment of virtual life and so on. But those are regular thoughts when dead-lines are close. My human lives with them every month.

I won't bore you with the last moments of the race with time (8 hours of time zones difference included). It's time for you to go to Skinkie Winkler's blog and read the story about love, friendship and birthday evening with Human.

He was sitting on the pillows in the corner, occasionally taking a draw from the water-pipe, goggles resting on his forehead. Cyberpunk kid. Looking in my direction. And while I was reading his profile, he threw the first IM. I would politely end that conversation but Human pushed my back to the pillows and we started chatting.

Moral of the story was, as it seems, go to second life and get some sex. So the hundreds of same looking avatars fall from non-existence down on the Grid and make me think what is in their heads?

It's all kind of the people. Usual first sentence is "I'm new in the game, what do I do here?" So many of them have problems finding their arrow keys. Yes, that makes it fairly impossible to walk around. But that doesn't stop them from asking for age/sex/location. Go to the bloody FaceBook to ask about a/s/l!

Sure there are people who are smart enough to ask a question or two about walking and editing appearance then to switch to IM's and politely ask

How do you people make love here?

So I tell them about bees and birds… errrrr…. red and blue poseballs, chats and emoting. That's fine. I am not a hypocrite. But the vast majority have a problem with reality even before they even tasted virtual world.They alreay made themselves a picture of great lovers that we were all waiting for. They are full of confidence and ready to do us like nobody did us ever before. Confidence is nice, but confidence is not enough. Especially when you have no clue what you should do, right? What if one of those girls they're hitting on say yes? What if I say yes? What will they do?

Thing is, they have no idea about virtual sex. As virtual reflects "real" so well (especially with noobs) they have no idea about real sex as well. They don't know how to do it, they don't know what it gives nor what it can't give. They have no single reason why would they do it. But sex drive doesn't ask why. It's deeply engraved in us, if there is some possibility of anything related to sex around, we run for it. At least some of us.

So there is a girl standing with her arms spread, managed to take some of her clothes off and trying to get rid of the pink skirt and dress something better looking. And there are at least three male avatars around her, saying stupidest hit-on lines in the history of both worlds. It doesn't matter that she looks just the same as ten other girls on the island, that her skin is plain color splashed over the body mesh and that she is unresponsive while trying to detach that stupid skirt. It is the piece of black panties that shows and that makes all their blood pumping where their genital attachment should be.

So the chain of causes and effects goes from stupid story in the press to the peak in registrations. But what is next? Most of those noobs leave the Help Island and go to the Mainland. (Trust me, sometimes it takes a bit of effort to lead them to th big screaming-green sign that rotates and says EXIT and to make them click on the sign that says CLICK HERE.) What happens with them next? Do they find those ugliest and stupidest of the smutty places of second life? Do they realize that they should hump the blue ball? Do they find their fun? How many of them learn to do cybersex at least decently? Do they contribute to the economy? Does this flood of people who are looking for meatspace hook-up change the way our world functions?

Is it OK to make some kind of tracking device that we can attach to them and follow their behaviour in the next days, like biologists do? Now that would be interesting thing to do.

Problem is in the numbers. Alex Burgess did a nice mixture of guessing and statistics of Second Life user base. Start with number of regular users, then cut away those that you never meet due to the time zones. Then cut the species and sex you’re not interested in, then all that are not around your age, those that are into quick sex with bimbos, those that are not into any kind of virtual sex nor relationships….. you got the point. And you got that sad picture of a small pool you have to catch your pray from. And in that small pool you have to find somebody that you actually do like. Mutually! Well, good luck with that.

But, before you start sitting near that pond and losing your time, maybe we should do one not-so-pleasant-but-beneficial thing. Let’s be honest to ourselves. What do you really want?

If you tell that you want to meet person on the grid and translate that relationship in the meatspace, I’ll rest my case. But, please, be aware of those numbers Alex went through. And, please, be aware that these worlds differ. They differ a lot! I know that people meet via Internet and have great working relationships. I know it first hand. And I know that happens in second life as well. But those examples are sparkling in the night sky not because they are common, but because they are so rare. It takes more than a nice avatar, good chat and even luck to find yourself in such a story.

But I know most of you won’t tell they are after trans-world miraculous love story. So, what are you after? Intimacy, emotional cuddling, phantasy sharing, intelligent conversation, laugh? All of that probably. All of that in the right measure and each fading into the other. No flesh, just thoughts, words, ideas. Great! That is what this world offers, after all. All the rest are shiny pixels and prerecorded sounds. But I have another question to ask you.

Why are you not communicating your game as well as bimbos do? When was the last time you said it loud and clear what you want of your life? And how often you do that? Do you expect people around to guess what you want? 

As a consequence we see trashing of those girls with big boobs like they are guilty because you don’t get your share of the pie. And we see trashing of boys because they cannot find their way into decyphering your wishes. But those girls have nothing to do with your life. They are living their own lives, having their own fun. And boys? Well, if we are talking about relationships based on intelligent conversation, you’re guilty of not making the first step just as they are. 

So please, stop waiting and thinking what’s wrong. Learn from those bimbos, state your wishes and start living your dreams. In both lives!

And when I say "want to play" I don't mean whether you want to tell what that boy feels about you, or that creations are significantly different, or to protect your freedom to live the way that you will, or to state that the tree is protecting you from viewing the ugly neighbour's building. It's the question if you want to have anything with somebody else's sitcom.

Because, it's not about boys, girls, creativity, lifestyles or trees. It's about drama itself. Some people are just bored if there is no drama around. It's their brain food. It's your reactions and emotions that feeds them, whether they are aware of it or not. And they will provoke your reactions and suck your emotions as long as you have any. Then, they'll have to leave searching for an another victim. Emotion parasites or vampyrism would be the right expressions.

Don't forget that it's an infectious thing. Before you know, you are in the game, you are addicted to drama, to yours and other people's reactions and emotions. You want to listen about it, you want to participate. You need your daily dose. And you won't even know that you are. Not until it's almost too late.

But it's never too late. Just cut the crap you don't need in your life. Turn off and leave. Leave the parasites in their smelly pits. Yup, this might take some strength. First and the only rule: whatever is on the table, leave it. Whether it's your reputation, that stolen boyfriend's love, money or whatever, it's only a mean to keep you in the game and take even more from you. So run for your life and don't turn back. Be sure that's the only way to keep what you have.

A case of exceptional danger is a friend's drama. Infected friend can drag you into their own affaires. And you'll be tempted to jump in, it's your friend and maybe it's not them that wants that drama, they've been dragged into it. Well, I can only repeat: Run away! Now! It's not friendship messing you into some pointless drama, sucking your feelings, nerves and time. If you want to save a friend try to keep them away from drama. By any means don't jump in. Do your best to help them out, to cut their connection to infected events. Make some firm ground for them, give them shelter to heal, but don't participate. If they don't feel like giving up, leave them. Save yourself. Two victims are not better than one. 

Stay firm. If that means to be rude or impolite… well life is rough sometimes. If you have to stop answering IM's, avoiding some places, muting people… do it. There is no "just one more time" excuse. Make a clean cut. Now. Go live happily.  

This night, while I was walking a fairly long walk through the city, I walked the fairly long walk through the history of my partners, relationships and the rest of emotional/sex life in this parallel universe.

All the personal big names, then those that made an impact, those that I've learned from and those that I taught something, the guy with who I had a perfect one night stand for which I considered chances are bloody close to zero… even those whose names have never gotten into my contact cards folder…

Believe it or not, or even consider it a weird thing to say, I don't see myself promiscuous. At least, that word has a different meaning in this world, in this context. Good cybersex (as any sex, after all) is a product of learning, exchanging ideas, polishing skills… there is a layer of craft that really matters. And for that craft

experienced lovers are a *big* help (*waves at Ali Hermes*), and seeing different people’s styles and favorite words. It’s a constant learning process for me as well!

as Sophrosyne said.

Our needs are different here. In the meatspace, there is a need driven by the mother nature. On the other hand, cyber-lust is mostly artificial. That doesn't say it's unnatural or less worthy. It is just a cup that can be filled. Especially if there is nothing new to be introduced. 

We learn quickly. We get used to partner's favorite kinks, even sentences and gestures. After a while, all the involved need some fresh blood. It is different from the meatspace. There you have smells, touches, all that irrational stuff. Things that really do their job. Here, where all the communication goes through the intellect, things are a bit harder. 

We always crave for new and fresh. We search for new words, new styles and new things to do. And while reading some books or stories can do it, we also know that learning from other people is the best way one can go. 

Sometimes we're flying from one flower to the other, sometimes we just do excursions to get some fresh ideas to bring them back to the bed of the loved one. But we roam around and share. And that's what love is all about.

Psychology Today touches the problems of cybersex:

With more than a billion people on line these days, it is not surprising that cybersex has become an addiction for some. Cybersex addiction may not fulfill physiologic definitions of addictions. But, make no mistake about it, it can create havoc in your life.

Indeed, of all the Internet addictions, cybersex is probably the sweetest one. And, as many of us can witness, one that can be a very hard one.

Suddenly, meatspace sex seems so easy. At least you have a rubber thingy to pray not to break. Which is not always much of a comfort, but in the cyberspace you don't have anything. You are all bare and naked. There is no rubber thing that can prevent you of going all crazy and hooked, of running in-world while you have a job to do or while the significant other is waiting for your human. No prevention from checking emails thousand times a day, nor from having dirty thoughts while your brain should be clean. 

Yes, I know, cybersex has its bright side. It is fun, it is inspiring. It is a way to learn and explore. It can be a strong bond between two or more people whether they live in the same apartment or they will never meet in flesh. As always, it is just how you play that game. And a bit of luck, of course.

So, where is the line of safe cybersex? What precautions do you use? How do you know you are still your own, that you haven't got hooked? And if you ever did, how you got out, if you have?

One would expect that escorts keep their first lives behind the secured wall. Avatars do that for much less naughty things they do on the grid. But then, customer is the king. And so many of those guys with lousy avatars wants to be sure that they won't end up in a cybersex session with a male human. So, it is quite common to see a photograph in the 1st life tab of an escort. Like that is some kind of insurance. Like that cannot be a photo taken from the web, be it stranger's, friend's or ex-girlfriend's. But then, if the guys feel better that way, why not? It sounds more like they are buying a relief for their homophobia than security, but what's the difference anyway?

Selling photos of the humans seems to be a nice business in the Red Light District. Wait! They are paying lindens for the photos of naked girls? Isn't web oversaturated with those? One doesn't have to be a surfing genius to get a ton of those for free. So what's the catch? On one side we have an avatar that does dirty talking or typing, anims and stuff, on the other we have human sharing photos. Those two hardly go together. One either plays cybersex or surfs porn, each to its own. In this case, it seems more like that second life, all the avatars and tiny flexi skirts are just a front window for the good old Internet peep shows. Meet on the grid, but then let's get rid of the buggy client and switch to Skype and photos. Sure that is the case when webcams are mentioned in the profile.

Just for a second, let's see what is going on in that mixed reality event. Sure that the guy is aware that photo might not be real. They are accepting the game. Just as we all do when we engage in the communication via avatars. So what's the catch? Is there a touch of "reality" that photos offer? I don't think so. Is it in any way similar to that OOC cybersex experience I was writing about a year ago?

But not all the girls are doing photographs. Some are very explicit about "what happens in SL stays in SL" and there are no photos, let alone any other means of communication offered. No kissing on the mouth, to use the meatspace analogy. Native metaversal cybering. Interesting thing is that, by the customs we usually see, those two tribes should be separated and probably in permanent conflict, not standing on the same square. At least, that is the case with all the other businesses. Just take a look on never ending immersion and augmentation story. 

And, once again, there is a huge question how many of those photos are photos of the humans that actually sits behind the keyboards. Browsing profiles shows that most of the girls have highly augmantative avatars. Yes, they are looking more gorgeous in avatar form as expected. But there is a resemblance between two images. Maybe somebody takes that as more believable. Other thing is that photographs are rarely of super-hot porn-like girls. That can be also a signature of trustworthiness. Or of a girl that is wise enough to sell the story about ordinary looking girl next door that gets wild in the metaverse. 

Which leads us to the next and maybe the most important question: How many of them are really doing this just because they love to get wild in the metaverse? We all have our kinks, this one should not differ then others. For most of them, working as an escort in the second life is not a source of any significant amount of money. Except in the cases of working with webcams or spending hell of a time on the streets, it might pay the rent for virtual apartment and a couple of new dresses, not more than that. Sure they are not trapped in some nasty trafficking and are not forced to do what they do. I guess the number is huge. We have professionals working with love and dedication, it seems.

Well, polyamory is always a lovely issue. One of those that can keep me out of bed (hmm, that sounds strange now) for a bit more tonight.

For those of you that are not so relationship-experimental and wonder "what's that Greco-Roman word she is talking about now" here's a short bit of Wikipedia:

Polyamory (from Greek πολυ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [literally “love”]) is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

If anyone is in doubt, it is not the same as swinging, promiscuity, partner swapping or alike. It is having more than two in the loving family. It is open which kind of relationship your significant others will be in.

Well, it had to happen. Polyamory is a widespread practice in meatspace, let alone the grid of our imaginations. It was a question of time when reshaping of the partner feature will come up. For now, partnership is exclusive to one person and it is a short straigh-forward process that costs 10L$. One nice thing was that nobody asks about the gender setup of the new partnership, not even the species of the partners. Unlike meatspace, you can register your marriage even if you are gay dragons. Only thing you cannot is to have more than one partner at a time.

What really bugs me here is that "consent of all participants in a partnership" part of the JIRA. Not that that consent is not necessary. Consent of all the participants is needed, in this as in all the other things we do. For many other, if not all things, that's the only rule that distincts do's from dont's. But do we have to complicate the process and load the databases with all the emails of consents of the all involved? Do we need Lindens to check if we all agree about our relationships? Or we can behave like grown-ups and live in our families in a healthy and responsible way?

Sure, somebody can ask why do we feel the need to inform the Lindens about that significant person(s) at all? Why do we need a special field on a profile page to show who we share poseballs with? And if we feel like screaming somebody's name to the whole world (hey, there is at least a bit of the crazy-in-love screamer in each of us!), why don't we use that big about me field? There is enough space there, for all the partners and all the wows and all the sweet and naughty things we feel saying. Much nicer than simple bearucratic info partner field offers. On the other hand, if you can be officailly monogamus, why not having a possibility to be officially polyamorous?

There's quite a few issues with this. How do you feel about it? Polyamory itself? Polyamory being offical? Bearucracy around it? What partnership means to you?

They know that behind those two good looking avatars can be whoever. Big fat truck driver named Bubu is a usual suspect in many jokes. So let it be. Bubu is actually a lesbian that can twist your mind, make you smiling and laughing, make you wanting her more, take you to the peaks of pleasure. 

But there is not enough big fat truck drivers registered in second life so we can safely bet on all the other professions, ages, continents, lifestyles. Clerks, housewives, soldiers, politicians, rock stars, teachers, students… You can take any photo from the pool of millions of Internet users. And many of those, many many of those are probably not somebody you are sexually interested in when you look at that picture. But there are a few whose minds you love with the whole of your heart.

When you strip all the gender, age, race, social class, color of eyes, geography, size of breasts, when it is just you, standing naked on the grid with somebody just stripped as you are… there is something religious or spiritual in realizing how all those people we meet on the streets, all those not attractive strangers are sexual beings with fantasies that flows so good with ours. There is something divine in our naughty thoughts, something very personal but not connected to the person's face. A spark of personality that shines over our smiles no matter how many oceans is between us.